Can i not drive my cunt home
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
