babies were throwing up all over the place
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
