you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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