Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
