Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Small penises have feelings too.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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