I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
