We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
