he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
