I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
