I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize