come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I am midnight drunk by noon
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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