"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
