I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You are a genius and a whore.
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