Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
