My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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