omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you never un-have a 4some
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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