The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
