Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize