Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
