We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
