I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
