At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
