I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
