I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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