i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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