just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize