how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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