I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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