After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
