Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
