Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
