Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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