Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
