Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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