not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
