Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
