Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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