I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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