just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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