Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
