Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
