ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You ruined the universe
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
