i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
