i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
