you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
