i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
