I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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