Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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