I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
