I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
