went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
