She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
