you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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