Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just puked most of my soul out..
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