Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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