I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
