It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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