Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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