I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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