you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
