I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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